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    Cultural Analysis - Rods, Rifles, and Rhetoric - Skinny Moose Media

    Archive for the 'Cultural Analysis' Category


    Politics creeps in to the 3Rs

    Having been distracted by flood news in our region (3Rs world headquarters is at the headwaters of the Red River), I have neglected the blog.  But today in a fit of brilliance I have decided to try a new feature on for size (cue trumpets), wherein I offer my services as a translator (somewhat akin to the Liberal Translation feature on Sean Hannity’s show).  The difference is that I am mainly concerning myself with headlines.

    Here’s a headline from ABC News today:  Obama Lays Out Plan For Detroit’s Survival.

    That sounds so benign and measured.

    Translated into a more boldly defined truth (albeit a tad wordy):

    Obama Practices Unique Brand of Socialist Zealotry as He Abuses Power by Firing GM CEO and Strongarming Chrysler Into Making Deal!

    What should I call this feature?  Or should I just shut up before the Obama administration asks for my WordPress login information?

    Discuss at your own risk.

    Posted on 30th March 2009
    Under: Blabification, Cultural Analysis, Dubious Wisdom, Politics and Religion | No Comments »

    The weather report might as well be funny (or attractive)

    With the latest weather beatdown (a footish of the white death), I am going to use the opportunity to model self control.  I’m not going to post a picture of my frozen-bearded face or the road conditions map or fuzzy pictures of obliterated roads.  Instead, I offer YouTube entertainment of a weather-ish variety:

    #1: Loco weatherman in snowflake suit. 

    #2: George Carlin’s “Hippy Dippy” weatherman.  Rest in peace, Grand Master of the English Language.

    #3: European weather woman (German?) loses it.  Much of the time, weather forecasters might as well be speaking a foreign language.

    #4: Attractive Minnesota weather girl.  And an illustration of the yearly beatdown for us Northerners.

    #5: Attractive European weather girl.

    #6: Attractive European weather girl.  This is the last one I give you.  If you want to continue this trend, take your pervy hands and type in a search on YouTube.  There are lots of these for your sick viewing pleasure.

    I vote for changing our local weather forecasters over to attractive Polish-speaking meteorologists.  As long as they’re reasonably expressive and use words like “Brrrrr,” I’ll know exactly what to expect.

    Posted on 12th March 2009
    Under: A$$hole weatherman!, Blabification, Cultural Analysis, Kill Time at Work, Uplifting | No Comments »

    17 Ways to Salute Matt Kenseth

    kenseth17

    As mentioned in a previous post, my favorite NASCAR driver is Matt Kenseth.  With a Daytona win followed up by a California win this past weekend, I’m having a good year.  (WHY did I not enter a betting pool this year??)

    In honor of Matt Kenseth, I propose true fan mania in the form of collecting all that is black and yellow and plastering the #17 on these items.  This is what the well-appointed outdoorsman will be sporting this NASCAR season:

    1.  Arbogast Hula Popper

    1. Arbogast Hula Popper

    2. Frabill Flo-troll Minnow Bucket

    2. Frabill Flo-troll Minnow Bucket

    3. Malibu Kayaks X-13

    3. Malibu Kayaks X-13

    4. Jig (www.custom-crappie-jigs.com)

    4. Jig (www.custom-crappie-jigs.com)

    5. Spyderco Tasman Salt knife

    5. Spyderco Tasman Salt knife

    6. Garmin E-trex GPS

    6. Garmin E-trex GPS

    7. Frabill Magnum GT ice shelter

    7. Frabill Magnum GT ice shelter

    8. Grundens Rain Bibs

    8. Grundens Rain Bibs

    9. Black and yellow Clouser Minnow

    9. Black and yellow Clouser Minnow

    Vans Era shoes

    10. Vans Era shoes

    11. Ski-Doo Skandic WT

    11. Ski-Doo Skandic WT

    12. Abu Garcia Revo Reel

    12. Abu Garcia Revo Reel

    13. Mepps Black Fury spinners

    13. Mepps Black Fury spinners

    14. Skeeter boat in custom colors

    14. Skeeter boat in custom colors

    15. 2006 Roush F-150 Champion Edition

    15. 2006 Roush F-150 Champion Edition

    16. Piper J-3 Cub airplane

    16. Piper J-3 Cub airplane

    17. Sexy bee costume

    17. Sexy bee costume

    You will see that the average NASCAR fan will not necessarily be able to afford all of these accoutrements. Piper Cubs were cheap when they were on the market, but are quite collectible now. $8,000 doesn’t just fall off trees for toys like snowmobiles (at least not in my spending climate). The F-150 Roush Edition would definitely break the bank for me. However, wheeled and winged things aside, I think I could afford to just possibly be the Best Matt Kenseth Fan Ever.

    Now I’m scaring even myself. I dare Carl Edwards fans to come up with 99 duck-themed ways to honor their driver.

    Posted on 23rd February 2009
    Under: Better Than Drugs, Blabification, Cultural Analysis, Kill Time at Work, NASCAR goodness, Uplifting | 1 Comment »

    Damn. We ain’t got no Bigfoot here.

    bigfootWhilst chewing the fat with my Mythology class today, I came to a realization. This god-forsaken edge of the prairie (that I really do love, really) doesn’t have any mythical creatures. Growing up near Flathead Lake in northwestern Montana, we had the aptly named Flathead Lake Monster. Hell, for that matter, we had Bigfoot and UFOs, too. And the woods seemed to attract all kinds of wierdos (like my seventh grade shop teacher) who almost qualified as mythical figures.

    Fast forward twenty some years and I’m living near the point where North Dakota, South Dakota, and Minnesota all come together. And there ain’t no mythical creatures. No Chupacabra (my favorite legend–and one that even stretches as far north as Huron, South Dakota according to my sources). No big hairy ape-like dudes. No dragon-like sea serpents in the water.

    Just stories about getting drunk and falling out of the car on the highway. Farm accidents. Stories about “it’s so frickin’ cold that my [insert anything here] froze.”

    I guess the giant mythical beasts don’t have anywhere to hide on the prairie tundra we have been blessed with. The biggest myths are the stories about the ones that got away, whether they are fish or girls or opportunities.

    chupacabraSigning off from the cultural lowlands, I bid you good day. Be happy if you have local scary monster stories to tell your children. I will steal another culture’s myth and let my kids go to sleep thinking about El Chupacabra tonight.

    Posted on 3rd February 2009
    Under: Blabification, Cultural Analysis, Whining | 2 Comments »

    Fetch my tweed, Jeeves–I’m playing sportsman this weekend!

    The Buster boys are having a discussion about getting rid of the “trout bum” marketing stereotype. Good. It’s about time someone put that away. I’m guessing Gierach, who may or may not have coined the term, is probably pretty flippin’ tired of it himself. It’s probably kind of like being a musician and writing a semi-crappy song that becomes wildly popular, forcing you to listen to it over and over.  And the man left behind his bumminess about the time he published his first book (not a judgement of the fine man–just an observation that as soon as an artist creates something, it takes on new life and flees its original form).  

    On to my cultural analysis. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what is sporting, and what makes a sportsman. Is it the look? Is it the Filson jacket? Is it the cost of the shotgun or the flyrod? I think most of us who actually live in contact with the great outdoors (as opposed to buying the costume at Cabela’s) would probably agree that none of those things define sporting. So we can leave image behind for now.

    There have been tomes written on the subject of sporting ethics. So is it our ethics that define us? I think so, to a great extent. But that brings up lots of questions. What is fair chase? Do we practice catch-and-release? Is fly-fishing superior to worm-drowning? Do we spot-and-stalk our deer, or do we drive them from tree rows with three generations worth of bushwhackers and have Grandpa gun them down as they flee?  This last was a tad over-the-top, but then I have observed this very thing in Southeastern North Dakota.  The hail of bullets and my sense of self-preservation pushed me out of the regular gun season and right into the archery and muzzleloader seasons.

    I once had a very long conversation over the course of several days with a beautiful woman with a quick mind and a vegetarian outlook.  Her feeling about animals was that we should hurt them as little as possible.  While I tend to agree, I also understand that I am at the top of the food chain.  We went back and forth over the issue of catch-and-release fishing.  Her perspective was that it is almost more honest to fish for subsistence, eating what you catch, versus harming the fish for sport and releasing them.  I think our main ideological difference was in the way we look at the resource at hand.  If fish=food, then I know I have the skills to eat, and I think that will always be one reason that I fish.  If fish=sport, then I know that in certain cases I want to practice catch-and-release to maintain the resource for others to experience, not necessarily because it is less harmful to the fish, which I do not believe are sentient beings who feel pain in the same way that humans do.  

    flycastOnce one is aware of the ramifications of kill vs. release, the next level is to examine the methods, and this is where the sporting image sometimes comes into play, eclipsing the substance of what we do as killers of meat or seekers of sport.  One can see the debates everywhere on pure fishing art–fly vs. baitfishing, artificial vs. livebait, etc.  Some fly-fishermen see themselves as purely sporting, never intending to kill fish.  Some anglers seem to be hell-bent on filling their freezers with meat to last several lifetimes. And most of us are somewhere in between.

    Case in point:  snagging.  This is certain to cause a little bit of debate.   My initial impression of snagging will always be what I observed growing up in Montana: bridges lined with cooler-toting dudes slinging treble hooks in an all-out war on salmon runs.  The monofilament left behind on overhead wires and bridge beams from those practices was in and of itself an environmental hazard!

    wadepaddleEnter my experience with paddlefish snagging.  The first time I saw paddlefish snagging on TV, a guide from Oklahoma was taking a group out in a boat to find and snag 50+ pound paddlefish.  While I at first recoiled at the idea of snagging, I realized that the reason they were using that method was that paddlefish don’t lend themselves to baitfishing or artificial baits because of their plankton-sucking habit.  So I booked a trip and off went my brother and I to snag these prehistoric creatures at Grand Lake, OK.  Being from North Dakota, I was very surprised at the very liberal limits in OK, since we are only allowed one per season and there is a quota.  

    The experience was surreal.  Motor along in a boat, dragging a 12 oz weight with about an 8/0 treble hook tied a couple feet up the line.  When the paddlefish is engaged, prepare for the fight!  

    Our paddlefish were butchered by the guide (cleaned seems to be the proper word for a little trout, but these are a little big to slice open with a 4″ blade).   We took the meat, thick steaks mostly, home in coolers to be consumed.  

    So do I feel dirty?  Nah.   Do I need to go on a paddlefish snagging binge?  Nah.  As with most experiences, the first time was rather exciting and now I may or may not seek out the opportunity again.  

    The real question:  was it sporting?  I’m not real sure.  It’s kind of like catfish grabbling.  If you’re going to eat the sucker, anyway, does it really matter much how you catch it?  

    I might also add other methods to the discussion.  Speaking of catfish, is jug fishing sporting?  Is using an automatic reel tied to a tree branch sporting?  Is fishing a wire crappie rig with three hooks sporting?

    I will sit back, smoking my pipe, leaning on my elbow patches, and ponder the matter.  As with most things, I think a heavy dose of honest self-awareness will set most of us on the right path.

    There is one thing I know for sure.   I sure would like to see one of these Filson types put down his box of slave-labor-tied flies and grab a catfish out from under the cutbank like the ladies on Girls Gone Grabblin‘.  Naw–scratch that.  I’d rather see the girls do it.

    Posted on 27th January 2009
    Under: Cultural Analysis, Fishing, Hunting, Pandora's Box | 2 Comments »

    The Temperature of Hell

    James Joyce (through a fictional character) described Hell to a group of schoolboys thusly in A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man:

    fractal by Sundstrom at www.sxc.hu

    fractal by Sundstrom at www.sxc.hu

    “Our earthly fire again, no matter how fierce or widespread it may be, is always of a limited extent; but the lake of fire in hell is boundless, shoreless and bottomless. It is on record that the devil himself, when asked the question by a certain soldier, was obliged to confess that if a whole mountain were thrown into the burning ocean of hell it would be burned up In an instant like a piece of wax. And this terrible fire will not afflict the bodies of the damned only from without, but each lost soul will be a hell unto itself, the boundless fire raging in its very vitals. O, how terrible is the lot of those wretched beings! The blood seethes and boils in the veins, the brains are boiling in the skull, the heart in the breast glowing and bursting, the bowels a red-hot mass of burning pulp, the tender eyes flaming like molten balls.”

    I disagree on the temperature and circumstances of Hell.  I believe I have glimpsed it.

    It is too cold for ice fishing and there is too much snow here. We have so much snow, in fact, that when holes are drilled, the pressure is so bad that water spews forth, slushifying everything and then freezing.  

    photo by Xanderalex at www.sxc.hu

    photo by Xanderalex at www.sxc.hu

    Forecast for tomorrow: 38 degrees below frickin’ zero (real temperature, not wind chill).  Record snowfall for the month of December and it’s still piling up.  

    Somewhere a bad-ass Canadian ice fisherman is reading this and laughing while he screws together twelve foot extensions for his auger.  

    I’m not.  Not when I have phrases like “afflict the bodies of the damned” and “how terrible is the lot of those wretched beings” unfurling themselves in my frozen brain.

    Wake me up in May.

    Posted on 15th January 2009
    Under: Blabification, Books, Cultural Analysis, Fishing, Whining | 3 Comments »

    Wade’s New Year’s Resolutions

    It’s resolution time.  For those who can’t come up with their own resolutions, or who want to peep into my sordid life, I submit the following resolutions, along with how some of them can be accomplished.  From losing weight to catching muskies, I know I probably need a game plan to bring these to fruition.

    #1:  Lose 20 pounds of belly insulation.  How?  Mike Huckabee’s show on Fox gave me the solution one day.  In his “ask me anything” segment, a woman asked him how he lost so much weight.  His answer was twofold:  First, if it comes through your car window, don’t eat it.  Second, if it didn’t exist a hundred years ago, don’t eat it.  Brilliant!  Think about it.

    #2:  Improve attitude.  My daughter recently returned from an ice fishing trip with me.  Her characterization of the trip, rather than “wow, we caught some nice sunnies!” was “boy did Dad swear a lot at his equipment.”  Oops.  Bad Daddy. This shouldn’t be hard to accomplish, as long as I stay away from cheap tools and poorly-built equipment and vehicles.  

    #3:  Catch a good muskie.  I shouldn’t need any help with this one.  Just prayer and time on the water.  Maybe I can make a deal with God related to swearing less and being a better example to my daughters.  

    #4:  Finish all projects I have begun or identified as a necessary project.  This would include building a hutch for our computer desk, putting in a sump pump, replacing our water heater before it craps out, finishing a fillet knife project begun last year, reloading several hundred rounds of ammunition for various bang-sticks, and painting our back door.

    #5:  Learn more about fly-fishing, including tying some flies.   I have my father’s vise and some of his equipment, but so far my only accomplishment has been a Freakishly Bright Yellow Rubber Leg Bass Chugger on a Ridiculously Large Hook.  Since bass will bite on a beer can with treble hooks (no, really!) I think I need to expand my repertoire to trout flies.

    Enjoy the new year, and make your own resolutions!  Stealing mine will probably damage your karma or something.

    Posted on 2nd January 2009
    Under: Blabification, Cultural Analysis, Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

    Cultural Analysis: Bikini Ice Fishing Team

    Dateline: Minnesota.  Over this last weekend, the Bikini Ice Fishing Team showed up at the St. Paul Ice Fishing Show.  Evidently, the show’s coordinator sent them a threatening message that they would be kicked out if anyone complained.  After some tension, apparently things were worked out and the girls were allowed to sign autographs, but the show’s promoters warned them “they were not to represent the show.” 

    The full story can be read here.

    bikiniicefishing2

    Who would kick out nice young women, bikini-clad or not?  My cultural analysis: someone at the ice fishing show decided that they didn’t represent the “family values” that seem to go hand in hand with the outdoors.  I’m pretty sure that the majority of folks showing up in St. Paul didn’t mind their presence, however.  Look at the models that are used in auto shows and the use of attractive young people to sell everything under the sun on television.  Why should Strikemaster ice augers be any different than Jeep or any other brand?  Heck, Vexilar could begin a “sexy Vexy” campaign!

    My main concern for these women is not that they’re being exploited, but that they might be a tad chilly.  As a matter of fact, that’s what my wife expressed when I told her about the story. 

    A video link follows to let you make your own observations about this cultural phenomenon.  Let me know what you think.

    Extreme Bikini Ice Fishing

    Posted on 17th December 2008
    Under: Blabification, Cultural Analysis, Fishing | 1 Comment »