With the latest weather beatdown (a footish of the white death), I am going to use the opportunity to model self control. I’m not going to post a picture of my frozen-bearded face or the road conditions map or fuzzy pictures of obliterated roads. Instead, I offer YouTube entertainment of a weather-ish variety:
#1: Loco weatherman in snowflake suit.
#2: George Carlin’s “Hippy Dippy” weatherman. Rest in peace, Grand Master of the English Language.
#3: European weather woman (German?) loses it. Much of the time, weather forecasters might as well be speaking a foreign language.
#4: Attractive Minnesota weather girl. And an illustration of the yearly beatdown for us Northerners.
#5: Attractive European weather girl.
#6: Attractive European weather girl. This is the last one I give you. If you want to continue this trend, take your pervy hands and type in a search on YouTube. There are lots of these for your sick viewing pleasure.
I vote for changing our local weather forecasters over to attractive Polish-speaking meteorologists. As long as they’re reasonably expressive and use words like “Brrrrr,” I’ll know exactly what to expect.
With an honest-to-goodness blizzard about to dump 6-12 inches of snow on us, I’m thinking about fishing destinations. I thought I would share a trio of guides with folks who may be considering hiring someone. These three guys are all honest, hardworking, straightshooting guys who work hard for their clients and have showed me some honesty that renews my faith in humans.
I fished with Dempsey a couple of years ago on Grand Lake, Oklahoma for paddlefish. The day my brother and I went paddlefishing with Dempsey, he had been up a good portion of the night fighting a brush fire as a volunteer firefighter. Although I was named “Lucky” by Dempsey on the trip because my luck was less than stellar to begin with, Dempsey kept at it and got me on a 70+ pound paddlefish that eclipsed my older brother’s. Good man. He does bass and catfish, too. And he tells a good story.
One fine spring break, I happened to be in Atlanta, so I found a day to go out with Randall on Stone Mountain Lake, a horsepower-restricted impoundment nearby, after largemouth bass. Randall is a tournament angler and very smart bass fisherman. His service even included picking me up at my hotel in Atlanta. Of course, my luck (see “Lucky” above) caused us to be fishing in late March in light snow. I went wayyy south (for a northerner) and all I got was the same weather as home! Though we didn’t catch much, Randall taught me a lot about bass fishing and patience, and the severe cold front was obviously to blame for the slow fishing. In spite of the tough bite, I enjoyed myself immensely.
Doug’s domain is Fort Peck Lake in MT, one of the best walleye (and pike and salmon) factories around. Since “Lucky” is my name when I hire fishing guides, the day in June my daughter and I showed up to go fishing with Doug, there was a small craft warning and gusts way past 35 mph. Even though it was a day most people were staying off the water, Doug found us some sheltered spots around the dam and tried to find us some walleye. He didn’t turn any up on the graph, so we packed it in and Doug didn’t charge us a dime. I believe his statement while we were on the water was “I could take you around to a few sheltered spots and pull cranks all day and charge you the full rate, but you wouldn’t be very happy at the end of the day.” How’s that for honesty? I hope to go back to fish with Doug on a better day. Even though we only spent about an hour with Doug, I still got something out of the experience: a good test run in a Warrior that tells me they are one excellent boat for rough water.
I salute you, real men of fishing genius. Give these guys a try if you want an honest fishing guide, and tell ‘em “Lucky” sent you.
As mentioned in a previous post, my favorite NASCAR driver is Matt Kenseth. With a Daytona win followed up by a California win this past weekend, I’m having a good year. (WHY did I not enter a betting pool this year??)
In honor of Matt Kenseth, I propose true fan mania in the form of collecting all that is black and yellow and plastering the #17 on these items. This is what the well-appointed outdoorsman will be sporting this NASCAR season:
1. Arbogast Hula Popper
2. Frabill Flo-troll Minnow Bucket
3. Malibu Kayaks X-13
4. Jig (www.custom-crappie-jigs.com)
5. Spyderco Tasman Salt knife
6. Garmin E-trex GPS
7. Frabill Magnum GT ice shelter
8. Grundens Rain Bibs
9. Black and yellow Clouser Minnow
10. Vans Era shoes
11. Ski-Doo Skandic WT
12. Abu Garcia Revo Reel
13. Mepps Black Fury spinners
14. Skeeter boat in custom colors
15. 2006 Roush F-150 Champion Edition
16. Piper J-3 Cub airplane
17. Sexy bee costume
You will see that the average NASCAR fan will not necessarily be able to afford all of these accoutrements. Piper Cubs were cheap when they were on the market, but are quite collectible now. $8,000 doesn’t just fall off trees for toys like snowmobiles (at least not in my spending climate). The F-150 Roush Edition would definitely break the bank for me. However, wheeled and winged things aside, I think I could afford to just possibly be the Best Matt Kenseth Fan Ever.
Now I’m scaring even myself. I dare Carl Edwards fans to come up with 99 duck-themed ways to honor their driver.
Once again, the 3 Rs brings you fishing culture on a platter:
I found Eric Engbretson’s site www.underwaterfishphotos.com by way of Moldy Chum. I love underwater photos of smallmouth bass. It is very cool to be able to visualize what the fish look like “down there.”
Another site that has some spectacular underwater footage is Kim Stricker’s Hook and Look. His website also has multiple species photographed by sneaking up on them with scuba gear. If you get a chance to see the TV show, he also shows lures in action and the responses of fish.
Finally, you owe it to yourself if you love trout to visit Pat Clayton’s FishEyeGuy Photography. His underwater pictures of trout in streams are the finest I have seen. Please go to his gallery and look at his photo of Yellowstone Cutthroats and the other gorgeous streambed scenes. You will probably ooh and ahh and call someone else over to show them the pictures. Incredible stuff!
Who needs Photoshop? Since finding this web-app, I’ve gone on a binge of placing my head on such diverse figures as Augusto Pinochet and Lindsay Lohan.
I’m wondering if I’ll have the nerve to post my most brilliant work: Obama and Biden as the creepy twins from “The Shining.”
