For the past five years every other joke you have heard has been the “You might be a redneck,” one-liners made famous by popular comedian Jeff Foxworthy. Nothing against Mr. Foxworthy, as I highly enjoy his comedic southern style of humor. However, as I considered the odd little quirks that seem to identify us as anglers, I asked myself what you would get if you replaced redneck with fisherman, though the difference between the two is not always a large stretch. If you have ever wondered if you are worthy to hold the true title of the fisherman, the list below should clarify it for you.     

You might be a fisherman if you almost run off the road every time you drive past a body of water.     

You might be a fisherman if you always tell your wife that you picked up a three pound bag of sugar when it was actually a one pound bag. You just can’t help yourself, can you?     

You might be a fisherman if your wife has both ears pierced….by hooks.     

You might be a fisherman if you find yourself hanging over the edge of a waterfall from an old tree branch, one hand hanging on for dear life, the other reaching for an .89 cent lure hanging on another limb nearby.     

You might be a fisherman if you have to schedule time between the lake and the emergency room.     

You might be a fisherman if you have the choice to marry Angelina Jolie or Betty White and you choose Betty because she knows how to clean a catfish.     

You might be a fisherman if something has to be dead for one month before you won’t consider using it as bait, and even then……………………….     

You might be a fisherman if you are a better aim with your sinker than with your shotgun.     

You might be a fisherman if you have 911 and the local bait shop on speed dial, and 911 is second on the list.  

You might be a fisherman if your new corvette has mud tires on it. What? You have to be able to get to the hard spots!     

You might be a fisherman if you think that the bass player in a band is the one guy that likes to fish.      

You might be a fisherman if you won’t eat at Long John Silvers because that is cheating!     

You might be a fisherman if your pocket is a reasonable replacement for the stringer that you forgot to bring. 

     You might be a fisherman if you meet your buddy at your favorite spot at 2:00 A.M. and apologize for being late. 

      And lastly, you might be a fisherman if you write the administrators of Skinny Moose and demand that the name be changed to Skinny Bass!  

The sad part of the whole ordeal is that you can actually say that you remember that time with the fish in your pocket.